"Hello Sailor" is the tenth episode of the first season of Mind Your Language. It was first broadcast on the 3rd of March 1978.
Plot[]
Juan Cervantes has brought his Russian Navy friend Boris, a defector, to school. He hides him in the canteen and asks Gladys to take care of him. In class, Mr. Brown asks the students to give him words beginning with each letter of the alphabet, but Gladys interrupts to inform him that Miss Courtney wants to see him and also inform Juan to come over as she found Boris. Boris won't tell Miss Courtney who he is or what he's doing there, so she gets Mr. Brown to talk to him instead. Juan approaches them and tells Mr. Brown that Boris wants to stay in England, then takes him to the classroom.
Mr. Brown introduces Boris to the other students and tells them he plans on staying in England, in response to which they accuse the Russian of being a spy, a double agent and a traitor. Mr. Brown then asks him why he wants to stay in England and finds out that he had fallen in love with an English woman at Juan's bar the previous night. His commanding officer Captain Ivan Ivanovich later arrives and wants to take Boris back. Mr. Brown tells him that he can't because Boris wants an English wife, but Ivan tells him that he already has a Russian wife named Anastasia. Mr. Brown helps Ivan bring Boris back to the ship, but Ivan comes back because he has fallen in love with Miss Courtney. He chases her out of her office as Mr. Brown watches and laughs.
Quotes[]
Mr. Brown: Now Max, the correct form of address to a Cardinal is not "Westminster Cathedral".
Max: I didn't know he moved.
Mr. Brown: It should have been "Your Eminence".
Mr. Brown: Anna, c.
Anna: Red.
Mr. Brown: Red? What's that got to do with c?
Anna: Red Sea.
Mr. Brown: Giovanni, o.
Giovanni: Orrible.
Mr. Brown: No.
Giovanni: Oliday?
Mr. Brown: No.
Giovanni: Opeless?
Mr. Brown: Yes, you are. You keep dropping your aspirates.
Giovanni: (Looks at his pants.) I not drop nothing.
(Juan comes to see Mr. Brown with Boris in the canteen.)
Boris: Amigo!
Juan: Everything's s'alright! Don't worry. Don't worry.
Mr. Brown: Juan, you know this person?
Juan: Sí, I tell you the truth. He's my brother.
Mr. Brown: Your brother? I don't believe you.
Juan: Okay. I tell you the truth. He's not my brother. He's a good friend, we sleep together.
Mr. Brown: Pardon?
Juan: He he he he he! Not in the same bed, same room.
Mr. Brown: Ranjeet, s?
Ranjeet: Eskimo.
Mr. Brown: Eskimo begins with an e.
Ranjeet: A thousand apologies.
Mr. Brown: Think of a word that describes you.
Ali: Stupid.
Giovanni: Now, what is a name for a group of cows?
Juan: I don't know.
Giovanni: A herd of cows.
Juan: Por favor?
Giovanni: Herd of cows.
Juan: Sure, I heard of cows.
Giovanni: Santa Maria! A herd of cows is a lot of cows!
Juan: He he he, and you speak a lot of bulls.
Ivan: Борис Борисович! Голубчик!
(Boris waves timidly at Ivan.)
Ivan: А ну идите сюда! Как вам не студно?!
Trivia[]
- Ivan's Russian lines can be transliterated and translated into English as follows:
- "Boris Borisovich! Golubchik!" ("Boris Borisovich! My dear friend!")
- "A nu idite suda! Kak vam nie studno?!" ("Come here at once! Why don't you feel very cold?!")
- The actor portraying Ivan is not a native speaker of Russian - he should have said "Kak vam nie stydno?!" ("Why are you not ashamed?!") instead of "Kak vam nie studno?!" when shouting at Boris.
- Ivan speaks very respectfully to Boris, calling him "Boris Borisovich" ("Boris, son of Boris") and using plural pronouns to refer to him. The phrase "Kak vam nie stydno?!" is also pretty mild, and often used by teachers to scold misbehaving children (usually indicating that there won't be any consequences).
